Lord,
Forgive me for only going to you when I feel out of control. Forgive me for not seeking you daily and thanking you for ALL of the blessings you pour upon me. Help me to seek you even when things are good. Help me to seek you because I love you, not because I feel like I need you. Change my heart to say I need you always, not only I need you when I need you.
Monday, November 5, 2012
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
All Wrapped Up
I feel God's arms around me today. Not for any particular reason, just because I know He is there. He continues to remind me how much He loves me.
My love and I received our wedding invitations in the mail last week. I think we have both been on cloud nine since. It is for real, it's official. 66 days! Oh yes, we are counting down! There is a peace about it all. Yes, I do get overwhelmed and a bit worked up when spending more than a consistent hour focused on wedding, but it's what I do. I'm a planner, a know-it-all-ahead-of-time kinda girl. I don't like bad surprises! But once my love brings my thoughts back to why we are getting married and not the day itself, peace swarms over me all over again! I am marrying my best friend, my mate picked by God! How can I be any happier?
That being said, God is showing Himself to me in so many other ways. Through the blessing of a simple house cleaning, sitting at lunch and listening to loved ones, trusting God when a friend loses a car, and then finding it the very next day, unharmed and just down the road. I am starting to learn what it really means to put my whole trust in God. This is a real effort people. You can't just shoot a prayer up and hope for the best. No, you must pray consistently with the knowledge He will answer your prayer. "Have faith!" He tells us time and time again. Faith....putting your entire heart into it! Every ounce of who you are must truly KNOW that God is there, that He is listening, and that He WILL answer your prayer. God is Good! Everything about Him is Good!
But, there are still those times when the enemy tries to hold us down. Problems are thrown in our path that we don't (or sometimes even do) expect and they cause us to lose our faith. We think they are too big of a problem. Maybe it has happened too long so we think it's too late. STOP! God is bigger than it all! GOD IS GOOD!! Send that prayer up and know He will answer! but don't stop there, send it up again, and again, and again until He answers. Do not lose faith. The moment we stop praying to Him is the moment we lose faith.
Remember this today,
GOD IS GOOD!!
*Updated
Here's a big one. In reading this post, God showed Himself to me once again. He says, trust in Me! Do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself. I must change. I can no longer be a "know-it-all-ahead-of-time" kinda girl! God spoke to me through me! LOL He just blows my mind! :)
My love and I received our wedding invitations in the mail last week. I think we have both been on cloud nine since. It is for real, it's official. 66 days! Oh yes, we are counting down! There is a peace about it all. Yes, I do get overwhelmed and a bit worked up when spending more than a consistent hour focused on wedding, but it's what I do. I'm a planner, a know-it-all-ahead-of-time kinda girl. I don't like bad surprises! But once my love brings my thoughts back to why we are getting married and not the day itself, peace swarms over me all over again! I am marrying my best friend, my mate picked by God! How can I be any happier?
That being said, God is showing Himself to me in so many other ways. Through the blessing of a simple house cleaning, sitting at lunch and listening to loved ones, trusting God when a friend loses a car, and then finding it the very next day, unharmed and just down the road. I am starting to learn what it really means to put my whole trust in God. This is a real effort people. You can't just shoot a prayer up and hope for the best. No, you must pray consistently with the knowledge He will answer your prayer. "Have faith!" He tells us time and time again. Faith....putting your entire heart into it! Every ounce of who you are must truly KNOW that God is there, that He is listening, and that He WILL answer your prayer. God is Good! Everything about Him is Good!
But, there are still those times when the enemy tries to hold us down. Problems are thrown in our path that we don't (or sometimes even do) expect and they cause us to lose our faith. We think they are too big of a problem. Maybe it has happened too long so we think it's too late. STOP! God is bigger than it all! GOD IS GOOD!! Send that prayer up and know He will answer! but don't stop there, send it up again, and again, and again until He answers. Do not lose faith. The moment we stop praying to Him is the moment we lose faith.
Remember this today,
GOD IS GOOD!!
*Updated
Here's a big one. In reading this post, God showed Himself to me once again. He says, trust in Me! Do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself. I must change. I can no longer be a "know-it-all-ahead-of-time" kinda girl! God spoke to me through me! LOL He just blows my mind! :)
Monday, September 10, 2012
TRUST ME
I got a call today. I let myself lose You for a moment Lord. A moment too long!
I hear you Lord. Your saying, trust in Me. Everything is always right with Me. I trust You Lord. I give it all to You. You are the Great Physician! I love You Abba, Father!
I hear you Lord. Your saying, trust in Me. Everything is always right with Me. I trust You Lord. I give it all to You. You are the Great Physician! I love You Abba, Father!
Saturday, September 1, 2012
Family
What do we do when someone in our family is hurting, but there seems to be nothing we can do to make them feel better, or to bring them back to their first love, God? As a wise blogger has said, "The Holy Spirit is the only one who can do this, Period!" Only He can show them the love they need and only if they seek Him out for it.
Much has been stirring within my family, many seem to be hurting and some trying to push their hurt onto others. No one likes to hurt alone. This brought back feelings from my past. Feelings of anger, loneliness, pain, defeat. After praying for these few specifics, God reminded me what He showed me years ago. He is always there, He wants to love on us, He has already carried our burden, we just need to completely hand our pain over to Him.
So in a prayer that some day these loved ones of mine will find themselves here reading this single post, I want to share exactly what God has been telling me for the past few years and what has encouraged me to be filled with joy.
This is an excerpt from Our Daily Bread. July 12, 2012
ABIDE WITH ME
Hebrews 13:1-8
"Let brotherly love continue,
Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some have unwittingly entertained angels.
Remember the prisoners as if chained with them -- those who are mistreated -- since you yourselves are in the body also.
Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.
Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, 'I will never leave you nor forsake you.'
So we may boldly say:
"The Lord is my helper;
I will not fear.
What can man do to me?"
Remember those who rule over you, who have spoken the word of God to you, whose faith follow, considering the outcome of their conduct.
Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever."
"One of the highlights of English football (soccer) each year is the final match of the annual FA Cup Final. For more than a hundred years, the day has been marked by excitement, festivity and competition. But what fascinates me is how the game begins. It starts with the singing of the traditional hymn 'Abide With Me.'
At first that struck me as odd. What does that hymn have to do with football? As I thought about it, though, I realized that for the follower of Christ it has everything to do with sports, shopping, working, going to school, or anything else we do. Since there is no corner of our lives that should not be affected by the presence of God, the longing that He would abide with us is actually the most reasonable thing we could desire. Of course, the presence of our heavenly Father is not something we need to plead for -- it is promised to us. In Hebrews 13:5, we read, 'For [God] Himself has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you."'
Not only is God's presence the key to our contentment, but it is also the promise that can give us wisdom, peace, comfort, and strength -- no matter where we are or what we are doing. -Bill Crowder
Thank You, Lord, for walking with us every day.
You are our guardian, friend and guide.
May we sense Your loving presence and always know
that You are close by our side. Amen.
Our greatest privilege is to enjoy Christ's presence."
May God bless your day and remind you He is always there, so there is no reason to fear!
Much has been stirring within my family, many seem to be hurting and some trying to push their hurt onto others. No one likes to hurt alone. This brought back feelings from my past. Feelings of anger, loneliness, pain, defeat. After praying for these few specifics, God reminded me what He showed me years ago. He is always there, He wants to love on us, He has already carried our burden, we just need to completely hand our pain over to Him.
So in a prayer that some day these loved ones of mine will find themselves here reading this single post, I want to share exactly what God has been telling me for the past few years and what has encouraged me to be filled with joy.
This is an excerpt from Our Daily Bread. July 12, 2012
ABIDE WITH ME
Hebrews 13:1-8
"Let brotherly love continue,
Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some have unwittingly entertained angels.
Remember the prisoners as if chained with them -- those who are mistreated -- since you yourselves are in the body also.
Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.
Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, 'I will never leave you nor forsake you.'
So we may boldly say:
"The Lord is my helper;
I will not fear.
What can man do to me?"
Remember those who rule over you, who have spoken the word of God to you, whose faith follow, considering the outcome of their conduct.
Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever."
"One of the highlights of English football (soccer) each year is the final match of the annual FA Cup Final. For more than a hundred years, the day has been marked by excitement, festivity and competition. But what fascinates me is how the game begins. It starts with the singing of the traditional hymn 'Abide With Me.'
At first that struck me as odd. What does that hymn have to do with football? As I thought about it, though, I realized that for the follower of Christ it has everything to do with sports, shopping, working, going to school, or anything else we do. Since there is no corner of our lives that should not be affected by the presence of God, the longing that He would abide with us is actually the most reasonable thing we could desire. Of course, the presence of our heavenly Father is not something we need to plead for -- it is promised to us. In Hebrews 13:5, we read, 'For [God] Himself has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you."'
Not only is God's presence the key to our contentment, but it is also the promise that can give us wisdom, peace, comfort, and strength -- no matter where we are or what we are doing. -Bill Crowder
Thank You, Lord, for walking with us every day.
You are our guardian, friend and guide.
May we sense Your loving presence and always know
that You are close by our side. Amen.
Our greatest privilege is to enjoy Christ's presence."
May God bless your day and remind you He is always there, so there is no reason to fear!
Saturday, July 7, 2012
It's Amazing to me..
It's amazing to me to sit back and see how the Lord works. Not that long ago I couldn't even see or hear the Lord and now I feel closer to Him than I ever have. I am so blessed. Don't get me wrong, I do not have a relationship now with my Heavenly Father because He has blessed me. Oh No! I am blessed because of the relationship I have with my Father. Some people might look at my situation in life and feel sad at where I am. But not me! I am overwhelmingly blessed by God's grace and love and compassion for me.
The wedding is coming up in less than five months and it is starting to feel real. Everything is starting to come together now. Every once in a while I feel overwhelmed, but God reminds me how in control He is and I feel peace again. I am taking a few months off of wedding planning, (I know time is ticking) to get my bills in order. How fair is it for me to be joined to my husband with loads of baggage for him to take care of. I am starting to figure this whole financial thing out. I read in a book somewhere that "You have to live like no one else so you can some day live like no one else." Though I am choosing not to live this to the extreme as he suggests, I am choosing to be wise and live by my needs only so once we get married, we can live a new start.
That being said, I am taking two months off of wedding and spending of any kind to get up on my rent and pay some past bills before even considering putting money toward anything else. The best part is, I can see God blessing me in this decision. Two weeks now and I swore would have enough to the penny to pay my bills and nothing else. I had even forgotten to include my current bills and gas and supplies for work. Well I got to the end of my weeks and not only had God provided to pay my bills, but he provided $75 more to take care of other necessities that had slipped my mind.
I started this next week off thinking a little off. My thought became more that I could spend a little here and there because I know God will provide, but then I realized how unwise that was. God blessed me with more than I needed because I was faithful and smart. Why should He bless me for spending before I have what I need taken care of?
Once I realized this, God blessed my fiance with a larger paycheck than he was expecting. He reassured me that he would be there if I needed help and has taken care of food expenses until our food expenses actually come in next week.
It simply amazes me to see how quickly and wonderfully our Father works. We are so blessed to be called His children.
Thank you Father for teaching me to be patient, to be wise with what you have blessed me, and for engulfing me in your never ending Love!
The wedding is coming up in less than five months and it is starting to feel real. Everything is starting to come together now. Every once in a while I feel overwhelmed, but God reminds me how in control He is and I feel peace again. I am taking a few months off of wedding planning, (I know time is ticking) to get my bills in order. How fair is it for me to be joined to my husband with loads of baggage for him to take care of. I am starting to figure this whole financial thing out. I read in a book somewhere that "You have to live like no one else so you can some day live like no one else." Though I am choosing not to live this to the extreme as he suggests, I am choosing to be wise and live by my needs only so once we get married, we can live a new start.
That being said, I am taking two months off of wedding and spending of any kind to get up on my rent and pay some past bills before even considering putting money toward anything else. The best part is, I can see God blessing me in this decision. Two weeks now and I swore would have enough to the penny to pay my bills and nothing else. I had even forgotten to include my current bills and gas and supplies for work. Well I got to the end of my weeks and not only had God provided to pay my bills, but he provided $75 more to take care of other necessities that had slipped my mind.
I started this next week off thinking a little off. My thought became more that I could spend a little here and there because I know God will provide, but then I realized how unwise that was. God blessed me with more than I needed because I was faithful and smart. Why should He bless me for spending before I have what I need taken care of?
Once I realized this, God blessed my fiance with a larger paycheck than he was expecting. He reassured me that he would be there if I needed help and has taken care of food expenses until our food expenses actually come in next week.
It simply amazes me to see how quickly and wonderfully our Father works. We are so blessed to be called His children.
Thank you Father for teaching me to be patient, to be wise with what you have blessed me, and for engulfing me in your never ending Love!
Monday, June 25, 2012
Crafiness
So as our wedding quickly approaches, I have found myself trying to stay busy so I do not become the bridezilla that oh so disgusts me. I pray constantly that I will not become that way. Though I have had my moments. :-/
In an attempt to stay occupied, I am trying to bring out my inner craftiness. There's not much there but I am working on it thanks to Pinterest.
One of my many jobs is cleaning the school connected to my church. I have the blessing on seeing family daily because both my parents work there, as well as one of my sisters and eight of my neices and nephews go to school there. Part of the benefits of working there isgetting rid of old junk finding hidden treasures. I was about to throw away a useless shelf when it hit me, "light bulb"! I was then on a mission to convert it into a shoe rack to hold my mass of rediculous shoes.
I live in a very, very small studiio apartment so having a pile of shoes by the door is not only clutter to me but makes it feel much smaller.
So I forgot to take a before picture but here is the finished work.
Ohh happy day for organization.
In an attempt to stay occupied, I am trying to bring out my inner craftiness. There's not much there but I am working on it thanks to Pinterest.
One of my many jobs is cleaning the school connected to my church. I have the blessing on seeing family daily because both my parents work there, as well as one of my sisters and eight of my neices and nephews go to school there. Part of the benefits of working there is
I live in a very, very small studiio apartment so having a pile of shoes by the door is not only clutter to me but makes it feel much smaller.
So I forgot to take a before picture but here is the finished work.
(Ignore the cable cord coiled up :] )
The underside of all the shelves I painted a royal blue so I turned some of them around to give it a little color. I need my color.
It lays the way the original shelf layed but I simply painted it. It was originally ment to hold students paperwork but the movable shelves allow me to make the sizes fit to my shoes. :-D Thank you Calvary Chapel Christian School for the donation to our new home! Ohh happy day for organization.
God has been so good to us. Preparations are moving forward and we are learning more of who each other are every day. Our lives are obvious when they are not focused on our Heavenly Father. Recently the question came up as to whether we are even to move forward together. Is this really God's will for our lives or are we moving forward because nothing is stopping us right now. A few days of separation and prayer showers us with blessing and peace that this is in fact, exactly where God wants us.
Of course nothing is exact until the vows are said. He is the only one who truly knows where our lives are to be.
Patience and Love have been tested in my life lately. My mother-in-law is a gem but not who I grew up with so it's hard for me to feel the same for her as her own son.
God, give me strength to show her your love and kindness. Help me to be an example of your grace and love. Help me to show that, having lived in the world for a short time away from You, happiness will never be found unless you are front and center. Oh Lord, that she may turn around and see you running toward her with open arms.
"...I will never leave you nor forsake you"
Hebrews 13:5
Aside from all of the trials and temptations, God is glowing in our lives and leading us closer together and closer to Him.
I had a beautiful talk with a new friend on Sunday who reminded me what we live for. We found out we are very much a like in many ways and are very excited to start spending time together.
I can't believe how much God continues to bless me. New friends, a blessing, marrying my best friend, a blessing, flexible job I love, a blessing... The list goes on, and He will never cease. I have the best Father!
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Learning together
I am so blessed by my Heavenly Father! Constantly He shows His patience and love for me that overwhelmes me! Lord work through me and make me completely Yours in ALL that I do! I love you!
Friday, February 24, 2012
Forward
There is so much that I feel I take for granted. Do I really appreciate all that God continually blesses me with? Do I appreciate all of my family for staying by my every side? I only pray that on a daily basis I continue to live the life that Christ calls me to live. I figure as long as I continue to think I don't show enough gratitude, the major efforts I do make will be enough to be recognised.
My life is changing, growing up, moving forward. Responsibilities are being thrown at me. I don't think I've ever felt more like a child that I do these days. I feel so helpless. So many decisions, and no one there to be able to tell me what to do or if I am doing the right thing. Don't get me wrong, I have plenty of people who are there for me, but these are times in my life that no one can make decisions for me. No one can tell me what to do because they are choices that ultimately effect my life.
I am changing jobs. No all three of them, just one. I am quiting the most consistent job I have for three flexible jobs doing what I love. I am a full time cleaner. I clean my church, I will be cleaning the school at my job come the first of March and I clean houses. Will I get burnt out? Probably! But I will enjoy every moment of every cleaning job I do until the day I get burnt out. I push forward and pray the hours are consistent enough to pay bills and I won't get burnt out until I am done with school and move forward to bigger and better things. My true joy and goal!
How's the wedding planning going you ask? Pretty slow, or so it feels. I am the type of person who loves to plan ahead and be prepared. You wouldn't guess that knowing how much I procrastinate on so much, but when it comes to having to change my daily schedule to make things happen, ie. appointments and registering, I like to be ahead of the game. This us, unfortunately, one thing that i can not be ahead of the game. Yes I have already bought my dress, and yes I pretty much have my entire wedding planned out in my head and on paper, but that isn't enough. I need to schedule, pay for and make all that I can right away. Not happening. Finances are limited so I can only do what I can when I can. In some ways it drives me crazy, but in others, it's kind of forcing me to no procrastinate and not rush. I am being efficient and prepared. It feels good at times. Usually when I can buy one thing toward the wedding or put a deposit/payment down for the wedding and that is all I can do. I'm all over the place, forgive me if this doesn't make sense...
Personally, I am choosing to take care of myself. I am eating healthier (and even getting my fiance to do the same since he is noticing how it makes him feel better) and I am trying a new workout. I ran for a good 6 months until the shin splints kicked in. That was enough to throw me off course so far that I couldn't get back. I gave up! But i knew I needed to work out and stay healthy. In comes the oldest sister with a new idea. Insanity!! The most amazing and painful workout I have ever done. I agree with her as she says, it's addicting. It is a series of workouts and recoveries. So far I have only been able to get through the recovery video and the short but intense cardio abs. But as painful as it gets and as many breaks as I have to take, it feels oh so good. Lets just see how long this goes. I took some before pictures but WILL NOT post them until I have some decent afters. So here goes another something new!
I wonder if it's this hard for everyone. I mean , I know it's hard to work out for everyone, but for those who really want to make a change and be healthy, is it still this hard or am I just a slacker?
Who knows!
My life is changing, growing up, moving forward. Responsibilities are being thrown at me. I don't think I've ever felt more like a child that I do these days. I feel so helpless. So many decisions, and no one there to be able to tell me what to do or if I am doing the right thing. Don't get me wrong, I have plenty of people who are there for me, but these are times in my life that no one can make decisions for me. No one can tell me what to do because they are choices that ultimately effect my life.
I am changing jobs. No all three of them, just one. I am quiting the most consistent job I have for three flexible jobs doing what I love. I am a full time cleaner. I clean my church, I will be cleaning the school at my job come the first of March and I clean houses. Will I get burnt out? Probably! But I will enjoy every moment of every cleaning job I do until the day I get burnt out. I push forward and pray the hours are consistent enough to pay bills and I won't get burnt out until I am done with school and move forward to bigger and better things. My true joy and goal!
How's the wedding planning going you ask? Pretty slow, or so it feels. I am the type of person who loves to plan ahead and be prepared. You wouldn't guess that knowing how much I procrastinate on so much, but when it comes to having to change my daily schedule to make things happen, ie. appointments and registering, I like to be ahead of the game. This us, unfortunately, one thing that i can not be ahead of the game. Yes I have already bought my dress, and yes I pretty much have my entire wedding planned out in my head and on paper, but that isn't enough. I need to schedule, pay for and make all that I can right away. Not happening. Finances are limited so I can only do what I can when I can. In some ways it drives me crazy, but in others, it's kind of forcing me to no procrastinate and not rush. I am being efficient and prepared. It feels good at times. Usually when I can buy one thing toward the wedding or put a deposit/payment down for the wedding and that is all I can do. I'm all over the place, forgive me if this doesn't make sense...
Personally, I am choosing to take care of myself. I am eating healthier (and even getting my fiance to do the same since he is noticing how it makes him feel better) and I am trying a new workout. I ran for a good 6 months until the shin splints kicked in. That was enough to throw me off course so far that I couldn't get back. I gave up! But i knew I needed to work out and stay healthy. In comes the oldest sister with a new idea. Insanity!! The most amazing and painful workout I have ever done. I agree with her as she says, it's addicting. It is a series of workouts and recoveries. So far I have only been able to get through the recovery video and the short but intense cardio abs. But as painful as it gets and as many breaks as I have to take, it feels oh so good. Lets just see how long this goes. I took some before pictures but WILL NOT post them until I have some decent afters. So here goes another something new!
I wonder if it's this hard for everyone. I mean , I know it's hard to work out for everyone, but for those who really want to make a change and be healthy, is it still this hard or am I just a slacker?
Who knows!
Saturday, January 28, 2012
The Dress
I am so blessed to share that I had two very important people with me when i went to try on wedding dresses. I wish more would have been there but who would have known that I found my dress on the first visit!
Yes, I found my dress, and i am so incredibly excited to get it. It was much more than I had considered, but it's perfect. My mother and one of my sisters came with me. We stopped first in Sacramento at a nice bridal store. Two of my sister's had gotten their dress there so I thought it had to be the place. I went in with one idea and was highly disappointed. It was nothing that I thought it would be. Don't get me wrong, trying on very expensive dresses is fun, but very tiring. We were there for only half an hour, I tried on at least a dozen dresses (or it felt like a dozen) and was told that they didn't have the style I wanted in our price range. So I picked up my things and sulked out of the store.
I was ready to go home. Then my momma came up with the brilliant idea of stopping by David's Bridal closer to home. You don't need an appointment there and she had the rest of the evening off so why rush home. Great idea Momma!
We got a bite to eat then rushed back to David's Bridal. I tried on a few dresses, without the help of the gal that was supposed to be helping us. Pretty much all she did was put a sticky note on the door of my room and told me she was with another bride as well so she would be in and out. My mom, sister and I raided the racks and racks of dresses. They are all so big and full of static. I was beginning to get overwhelmed. After reaching our limit of dresses, I went and tried some on.
I really only went through about ten there, but the last one, was the dress! I was trying on my first dress for the second time when my mom brought to me another gown. It was similar, she said, to the one we were admiring on a manikin in the front. So after debating really hard on the first dress, I jumped into the last dress, about ready to give up!
I still remember it like it was this afternoon. I walked out of the door and the first thing I see is a reflection of myself! Gasp! It took my breath away for a moment and I got a permanent smile on my face. I do a quick walk (because I'm pretty sure I am not allowed to run in this place) to a pedestal to see what I really look like. I was so excited, I kicked a shoe off of it that a little girl had placed there. I heard her say "AWW" like she was disappointed I took the shoe's place.
Get over it girl, this is my moment!
I think that was the only moment the whole day that I was incredibly selfish.
I couldn't stop smiling! It was perfect!
(keeping this short so I don't bore you to death) I decided with the agreement of my Mother and Sister that this was the dress!
I went through my moments a week later afraid I got the wrong dress! The pictures I had were not very flattering so I began to panic! My Sister calmed me and reassured me that i loved the dress and she loved the dress and that every bride goes through that. I don't get my dress until probably June, so I have a while before I get to see MY dress again, but I am now extremely anxious for that day!
It was not anything that I went in looking for, but it ended up being the most perfect dress I could ever find! The designer is Oleg Cassini and it's perfect! These pictures are actually an ivory dress but I ordered White so it will look a bit different. (and I'm pretty sure my hair won't be in a messy bun nor have guitar pick earrings in my ears)
ENJOY :)
Monday, January 23, 2012
The Proposal
So it is officially known, I am engaged to the most amazing man! Through all of my nagging and frustration for why we were not engaged yet, My Love worked for four months on his big proposal plan. And I am so blessed that he did. And when I finally got to see it, I was most certainly humbled. My lack of patience, I am sure, at times made his progress not so desirable.
I was awakened one morning by a text from my Love to retrieve a letter from atop my car. It was the beginning of two hours of driving up Hwy 80 in search for more clues. It was a scavenger hunt of sorts. I had clues along the way to find the next clue and a map to follow to which direction we were headed.
Halfway through we hiked up to a hidden waterfall that was absolutely beautiful. I am so anxious to go there once the weather is better to truly enjoy the entire falls.
Hanging from a rock off a cliff above the water fall was a chain with a key attached to the bottom of it. A ribbon was attached to the note at the top of the hill so I took the key off and placed it around my neck.
At the end we came to Emerald Pool. We had been there before but in the evening and when it was covered with snow. It was absolutely gorgeous. We walked the trail toward the pool when I spotted a treasure chest! I was amazing. ( I understand I keep using the word amazing but there is no other way to describe this. You too will agree once you see the pictures)
We walked to the chest and I felt speechless. I was on the verge of tears, beginning to feel guilty for all the times I had questioned the time it was taking to make this.
Now keep in mind I had seen but a sketch he had made in the fall, and when he talked about it being connected to a surprise, I assumed it was a small box. This was no small or ordinary box.
I use my new key to unlock the chest and once I see the inside I begin to cry. I can't stop either. He had lined the inside of it with white satin and the inside lid had a burned and stained picture in the wood. It is more beautiful than words can ever express.
He got down on both knees and told me of how excited he was to be with his best friend. How much he loved me and was anxious for what God had planned for us. And of course, he asked me to marry him!
YES!!!
His friend, Tim, was hiding behind rocks recording the entire thing! I am so blessed by such a wonderful friend and soon to be husband.
Enjoy looking at the beauty of pure love!
And so it begins
I am overwhelmed. I am overwhelmed and filled with joy. I am engaged, working hard, planning a life with my best friend and setting goals for myself that I never would have considered on my own. Today is a new day!
I've sat here at my computer at separate occasions throughout the years contemplating whether I should begin a blog. I do not have the gift of speaking or writing anything that makes any sense. One of my sisters has two blogs and she writes from her heart; beautifully. Another has one blog and writes from her soul, full of creativity. I just want a blog to look back on and see the route God has taken me on this year. Tonight was the night I have made the decision! I sat crying on my bed talking with my fiance', during the few minutes he had to stop by, about how everything seems to be going wrong with our wedding. Yes, the one that is still eleven months away! Yes, I do know that is crazy. I need organization. I need something to look back at daily or monthly and see where God has lead us. This is where that is. I don't know if anything I write even makes sense and I truly don't expect anyone to ever read it, but it's here. And it's worth it for me.
Before I get ahead of myself, let me back up a few years, and make this part quick.
I have not lived a Christ-like life for some time. I grew up in a Christian home that was powered by our "prayer warrior" mother. After high school, we moved out of our little town and met a boy. A boy who I thought was the shiz! (yes I did just say shiz) He pulled me away from my Heavenly Father before I could even blink. He showed me the world, and it was enticing.
After him came the heart filled fling. The one who had a secret life that I figured out on my own but we never spoke of. But when we were together he made me feel like the only person in the world who mattered. He was kind, helpful, caring....that was until the baby came. Then he realized he had to grow up. No, not my baby, I'm still without children (Praise God). But this was the child from his "non-wife/girlfriend/roommate?". After getting him to fess up and realizing what he was doing was wrong and that I wasn't going to continue playing along came the neighbor's cousin, the possibly gay and terrible with money, drug dealer.
He had so many problems there wouldn't be enough space for me to explain. He was sneaky, used me, and was a mess himself. I was too kind to him. I took care of him. Gave into his evil life, helped him out. I got sucked into his conniving ways. He became a roommate in MY apartment that I worked for for free!! How that happened I have no idea. My heart was in bits by then. It wasn't even a thought anymore. Our relationship took a whole different turn when our arguments became physical. His choice to choke me was the last straw and I kicked him out that night. Through all of his belongings into large black plastic garbage bags and through them out the front door. Not by my own strength was I able to do that. I see God written all over that one. He always tells me that He will "never leave me nor forsake me", and when it became more than I could bear, He gave me a way out. But I didn't walk out, He carried me out.
You'd think I would have woken up after that mistake. But no, it only got worse. Though I see God's hand of protection on me because of where I am not, while I was in it, I just thought I finally toughened up and stood up for myself. Foolish!
Than came the neighbor. Not the neighbor everyone knows about across the way, but the neighbor below that I've never spoke of. My hands are getting clammy now just thinking about it. By far, THE WORST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE!!! If there was anything ever that I would change, it would be the short but heartbreaking time with the neighbor downstairs. I completely turned my back from the Lord with him. I took him from someone, and when I was done, I gave him back and she never new. I still get sick thinking about it. Why did I end it? They had a baby. It wasn't the thought that he was married that made me sick, it was the thought of breaking up a home with a child in the picture. It is NOT the child's fault that I was choosing a life of sin! My heart breaks! I know God has forgiven me, but I don't know if I will ever be able to forgive myself.
Then came the neighbor. I confessed to him right away about downstairs. He knew! And that just started everything off wrong. He chose to use my sin to inflict pain on me for as long as he could. He is known as the womanizer! He reeled me in, and boy did he reel me in. Within the first week he was living with me. The next month, he moved everything out and told me to stop digging through our garbage for his things so his "used to be ex-girlfriend?" didn't think he ever lived with me. And did I leave his sorry A** and move on? Nope. I wasn't that smart. I stalked him, watched him, and called him! He loved it. He played along. When he was home, he would come spend time with me for a week. We'd have fun, go out, watch movies. Then he would fight with me on some ridiculous thing and disappear for 4-5 days. Then he would come back again. It became a vicious cycle. That turned into 3 years of serious manipulation and control of my heart. Even when he was around for longer than a week, I would find out he was sleeping at some girl's house for the night. I found a way into his emails and voicemail and hear all about the parties he went to and goodnight voicemail from girls who loved him. I still stuck around. When you're in it, you get sucked in.
When you didn't think I could fall any worse, I found another whole to dig into. He didn't want me. But I pursued because he gave me attention and told me I was beautiful. In a desperate cry to bring him back, I chose a life he wanted for me; to impress his friends, and I became a dancer. For the next six months I put my life on the line ever single night hoping I wasn't killed or raped to get money to spend on the man I thought I loved. I never thought to myself that working nights would give him the freedom to do what he wanted at night. Then he was able to come home to my bed before I got home and live with me for free instead of in his mothers small apartment living room floor.
The pain inside of me is deep, but all of this is behind me. By the grace of God I was never raped and He gave me a way out when things began to get dangerous.
I hurt many people in those five years. Mostly my family. Words will never begin to express my apologies to them. The best part about family though, they love you no matter what. That's how it is with my family anyway. Through it all, then never stopped praying for me. And because of their never ending prayers, I am now able to begin this blog about the life my future husband and I will share with our Lord and Saviour as the leader in our home!
Thank You Mom, Bob, Sydney, Joshua, Chelsea, Alexis, Adam, Chanel, Cameron, Tarissa, Tami, Jason, and many many people in our church for never giving up on me. For fighting for me and fighting with me to bring me back to my Heavenly Father! The One who was right by my side spiritually through every single day and night of my life.
Deuteronomy 31:6
"Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them' for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you."
I've sat here at my computer at separate occasions throughout the years contemplating whether I should begin a blog. I do not have the gift of speaking or writing anything that makes any sense. One of my sisters has two blogs and she writes from her heart; beautifully. Another has one blog and writes from her soul, full of creativity. I just want a blog to look back on and see the route God has taken me on this year. Tonight was the night I have made the decision! I sat crying on my bed talking with my fiance', during the few minutes he had to stop by, about how everything seems to be going wrong with our wedding. Yes, the one that is still eleven months away! Yes, I do know that is crazy. I need organization. I need something to look back at daily or monthly and see where God has lead us. This is where that is. I don't know if anything I write even makes sense and I truly don't expect anyone to ever read it, but it's here. And it's worth it for me.
Before I get ahead of myself, let me back up a few years, and make this part quick.
I have not lived a Christ-like life for some time. I grew up in a Christian home that was powered by our "prayer warrior" mother. After high school, we moved out of our little town and met a boy. A boy who I thought was the shiz! (yes I did just say shiz) He pulled me away from my Heavenly Father before I could even blink. He showed me the world, and it was enticing.
After him came the heart filled fling. The one who had a secret life that I figured out on my own but we never spoke of. But when we were together he made me feel like the only person in the world who mattered. He was kind, helpful, caring....that was until the baby came. Then he realized he had to grow up. No, not my baby, I'm still without children (Praise God). But this was the child from his "non-wife/girlfriend/roommate?". After getting him to fess up and realizing what he was doing was wrong and that I wasn't going to continue playing along came the neighbor's cousin, the possibly gay and terrible with money, drug dealer.
He had so many problems there wouldn't be enough space for me to explain. He was sneaky, used me, and was a mess himself. I was too kind to him. I took care of him. Gave into his evil life, helped him out. I got sucked into his conniving ways. He became a roommate in MY apartment that I worked for for free!! How that happened I have no idea. My heart was in bits by then. It wasn't even a thought anymore. Our relationship took a whole different turn when our arguments became physical. His choice to choke me was the last straw and I kicked him out that night. Through all of his belongings into large black plastic garbage bags and through them out the front door. Not by my own strength was I able to do that. I see God written all over that one. He always tells me that He will "never leave me nor forsake me", and when it became more than I could bear, He gave me a way out. But I didn't walk out, He carried me out.
You'd think I would have woken up after that mistake. But no, it only got worse. Though I see God's hand of protection on me because of where I am not, while I was in it, I just thought I finally toughened up and stood up for myself. Foolish!
Than came the neighbor. Not the neighbor everyone knows about across the way, but the neighbor below that I've never spoke of. My hands are getting clammy now just thinking about it. By far, THE WORST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE!!! If there was anything ever that I would change, it would be the short but heartbreaking time with the neighbor downstairs. I completely turned my back from the Lord with him. I took him from someone, and when I was done, I gave him back and she never new. I still get sick thinking about it. Why did I end it? They had a baby. It wasn't the thought that he was married that made me sick, it was the thought of breaking up a home with a child in the picture. It is NOT the child's fault that I was choosing a life of sin! My heart breaks! I know God has forgiven me, but I don't know if I will ever be able to forgive myself.
Then came the neighbor. I confessed to him right away about downstairs. He knew! And that just started everything off wrong. He chose to use my sin to inflict pain on me for as long as he could. He is known as the womanizer! He reeled me in, and boy did he reel me in. Within the first week he was living with me. The next month, he moved everything out and told me to stop digging through our garbage for his things so his "used to be ex-girlfriend?" didn't think he ever lived with me. And did I leave his sorry A** and move on? Nope. I wasn't that smart. I stalked him, watched him, and called him! He loved it. He played along. When he was home, he would come spend time with me for a week. We'd have fun, go out, watch movies. Then he would fight with me on some ridiculous thing and disappear for 4-5 days. Then he would come back again. It became a vicious cycle. That turned into 3 years of serious manipulation and control of my heart. Even when he was around for longer than a week, I would find out he was sleeping at some girl's house for the night. I found a way into his emails and voicemail and hear all about the parties he went to and goodnight voicemail from girls who loved him. I still stuck around. When you're in it, you get sucked in.
When you didn't think I could fall any worse, I found another whole to dig into. He didn't want me. But I pursued because he gave me attention and told me I was beautiful. In a desperate cry to bring him back, I chose a life he wanted for me; to impress his friends, and I became a dancer. For the next six months I put my life on the line ever single night hoping I wasn't killed or raped to get money to spend on the man I thought I loved. I never thought to myself that working nights would give him the freedom to do what he wanted at night. Then he was able to come home to my bed before I got home and live with me for free instead of in his mothers small apartment living room floor.
The pain inside of me is deep, but all of this is behind me. By the grace of God I was never raped and He gave me a way out when things began to get dangerous.
I hurt many people in those five years. Mostly my family. Words will never begin to express my apologies to them. The best part about family though, they love you no matter what. That's how it is with my family anyway. Through it all, then never stopped praying for me. And because of their never ending prayers, I am now able to begin this blog about the life my future husband and I will share with our Lord and Saviour as the leader in our home!
Thank You Mom, Bob, Sydney, Joshua, Chelsea, Alexis, Adam, Chanel, Cameron, Tarissa, Tami, Jason, and many many people in our church for never giving up on me. For fighting for me and fighting with me to bring me back to my Heavenly Father! The One who was right by my side spiritually through every single day and night of my life.
Deuteronomy 31:6
"Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them' for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you."
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