There is so much that I feel I take for granted. Do I really appreciate all that God continually blesses me with? Do I appreciate all of my family for staying by my every side? I only pray that on a daily basis I continue to live the life that Christ calls me to live. I figure as long as I continue to think I don't show enough gratitude, the major efforts I do make will be enough to be recognised.
My life is changing, growing up, moving forward. Responsibilities are being thrown at me. I don't think I've ever felt more like a child that I do these days. I feel so helpless. So many decisions, and no one there to be able to tell me what to do or if I am doing the right thing. Don't get me wrong, I have plenty of people who are there for me, but these are times in my life that no one can make decisions for me. No one can tell me what to do because they are choices that ultimately effect my life.
I am changing jobs. No all three of them, just one. I am quiting the most consistent job I have for three flexible jobs doing what I love. I am a full time cleaner. I clean my church, I will be cleaning the school at my job come the first of March and I clean houses. Will I get burnt out? Probably! But I will enjoy every moment of every cleaning job I do until the day I get burnt out. I push forward and pray the hours are consistent enough to pay bills and I won't get burnt out until I am done with school and move forward to bigger and better things. My true joy and goal!
How's the wedding planning going you ask? Pretty slow, or so it feels. I am the type of person who loves to plan ahead and be prepared. You wouldn't guess that knowing how much I procrastinate on so much, but when it comes to having to change my daily schedule to make things happen, ie. appointments and registering, I like to be ahead of the game. This us, unfortunately, one thing that i can not be ahead of the game. Yes I have already bought my dress, and yes I pretty much have my entire wedding planned out in my head and on paper, but that isn't enough. I need to schedule, pay for and make all that I can right away. Not happening. Finances are limited so I can only do what I can when I can. In some ways it drives me crazy, but in others, it's kind of forcing me to no procrastinate and not rush. I am being efficient and prepared. It feels good at times. Usually when I can buy one thing toward the wedding or put a deposit/payment down for the wedding and that is all I can do. I'm all over the place, forgive me if this doesn't make sense...
Personally, I am choosing to take care of myself. I am eating healthier (and even getting my fiance to do the same since he is noticing how it makes him feel better) and I am trying a new workout. I ran for a good 6 months until the shin splints kicked in. That was enough to throw me off course so far that I couldn't get back. I gave up! But i knew I needed to work out and stay healthy. In comes the oldest sister with a new idea. Insanity!! The most amazing and painful workout I have ever done. I agree with her as she says, it's addicting. It is a series of workouts and recoveries. So far I have only been able to get through the recovery video and the short but intense cardio abs. But as painful as it gets and as many breaks as I have to take, it feels oh so good. Lets just see how long this goes. I took some before pictures but WILL NOT post them until I have some decent afters. So here goes another something new!
I wonder if it's this hard for everyone. I mean , I know it's hard to work out for everyone, but for those who really want to make a change and be healthy, is it still this hard or am I just a slacker?
Who knows!
